Be Still My Soul

Naomi's having trouble sleeping. Her tummy aches, again. You probably know the hopeless feeling of not being able to make your child feel better, but do you know the frustration of knowing what is causing the pain and being told to keep giving it to them? That's a new one for me.

Naomi began complaining of tummy aches when she was three. I searched for answers then. Her pediatrician then told me she was probably constipated. That's a nice easy answer to get me out of the office. I stopped asking him. Feeling it might be related to her kidney/liver disease, I turned to her doctors at the National Institutes of Health. The doctor there replied that tummy aches are common and have to do with the increased blood pressure from all the scar tissue in the liver. She told me to have Naomi drink water and rest. That sounded like a reasonable answer to me, and that has been our plan ever since. In fact, I wrote up a medical information sheet for Naomi's first grade teacher and school nurse. One item was how to deal with Naomi's frequent tummy aches. Only now I know I was wrong. It's hard to realize I've been telling my child to drink water and rest every time she has a tummy ache, all the while continuing to feed her the toxin that's causing them.

After looking in to it, I am convinced that it is in Naomi's best interest to have the biopsy done to confirm the celiac diagnosis, but I am frustrated by the wait time to have it done. The GI doctor hasn't even called me back to schedule the biopsy yet. So we continue to give Naomi her two-to-three servings of poison gluten every day to ensure that her bowels will be good and irritated when they biopsy them. I read on the Internet under the list of celiac symptoms on one website: stomach pain, fatigue, low mood, irritability. That's an understatement! It's too tempting to call that GI doctor when Naomi is screaming uncontrollably or crying that her tummy aches, and ask her just how long I'm supposed to keep waiting for the biopsy. Of course, tomorrow is Labor Day, so that phone call will have to wait.

Not really able to do anything else for Naomi tonight, I snuggled with her on the couch and said, "Is it hard to be Naomi sometimes?" She wiped a tear, "Yeah." Then we sang one of my favorite songs:

Be still my soul, the Lord is on thy side
Bear patiently thy cross of grief or pain
Leave to thy God to order and provide
In every change he faithful will remain
Be still my soul, thy best thy heavenly friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end

Be still my soul, thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as he has the past
Thy hope thy confidence let nothing shake
All now mysterious shall be bright at last
Be still my soul the wind and waves still know
His voice who ruled them while he dwelt below

I tucked her back in bed with a kiss. "I hope your tummy feels better tomorrow," I said. I know full-well it won't, but it's the best I can do for her, at least until Tuesday.