Love Without Boundaries

For Naomi

When I first found out that God had given you to us
 I cried at the thought of losing you silently
As I had lost the first two babies God gave us

When they told me your kidneys were too bright
I cried at the thought of losing you quickly
Before I had the chance to know you

When they took you from me
And hooked you to monitors in a noisy room
When they stuck you again and again for tests
And I could only stand silently by
I cried at the childhood you had lost already
And the motherhood I had imagined and lost before it began

And then I began to walk the path before me
I promised to be beside you
To give you what I could

Love without boundaries
Hope in pain
Trust in your Creator
Thankfulness each day

When you screamed night and day for ten months
When you needed therapies to learn to walk
And just to cope with life
When you rocked yourself endlessly back and forth
Or spun in circles and refused to look in my eyes
When you struggled and strained
Just to get a sentence out between stutters
I cried that I might never know my daughter
Who seemed so trapped within herself

When we learned your diagnosis was far worse
Than our doctors had been willing to tell us
And more diagnoses began to pile themselves on
I cried knowing suffering was only waiting for you
And you would not escape

When I had to tell you that God had chosen
To make you differently
And you bravely accepted that
You inspired me to bravely accept his gift as well

When you rolled up your sleeves
And offered your arm to the endless needles
You taught me that fighting
Only causes us more pain

When you cried through stomach aches every day
And fought me violently over tiny things
And began to complain of aches and pains
That no six year old should have
I gave you all I could give

Calls to doctors
Pleading for tests
Late nights praying
Research on the Internet

Love without boundaries
Hope in pain
Trust in your Creator
Thankfulness each day

When we found answers and made changes
I cried at seeing signs of life in you again
But disease stalks you
And even in the sun
I know it waits in the shadows

This morning when you came
All sored and stiff-jointed down the stairs
When you couldn't bend your ankles or knees
Without welling up in tears
When you sat in a chair reading
Because it hurt too much to walk
And struggled to stand up like your great grandparents do

I knew disease had pounced again
I called doctors
I made appointments
I rubbed your knees
And got you to laugh
And when you weren't looking
I cried at the thought of losing you slowly
Of what you may go through on the way

I gave you what I could today

Love without boundaries
Hope in pain
Trust in your Creator
Thankfulness each day

Songs at bedtime
That speak of a day
When we'll understand why
And we'll see His face