Two years ago April was a beautiful month, but I wished that it wasn't. I didn't want the summertime to come and to have to pack up and leave our home. Last April again produced fragrant blossoms and brilliant colors, but the colors barely touched my soul--not after being denied the PhD that Matt and I had worked so hard for seven years for (for reasons truly God only knows). Closing out the year in Matt's parents' basement, having no idea what that year would hold, springtime seemed only a sign that another year was passing us by.
This April we are still in limbo, but watching that magnolia tree outside my kitchen window open its' enormous pink blossoms seems to call my soul to open again too. This year I can feel the sunshine, and welcome the warm air into my own house. This year the bright new leaves feel less like the tease of a malicious older sibling and more like a father's smile. This year I am anxious to greet the new year and all the gifts, as well as challenges, it holds.
This April, having finally settled once more in our own home, my babies are growing faster than ever and bringing more joy to my heart than I ever could have known. I look back at the fears and the worries I had when I learned that God had sent each of these little ones into my life, and I smile at God's provision for each of my fears. While I'll spare you details, I'll tell you that Toby was a surprise and miracle in many ways, and that I was far more exhausted than thrilled when God sent him our way. In the throes of morning sickness, with three children ages four and under I had to question God's wisdom. Nearly three years later I'm still exhausted, but I am so very thankful for that gift! Just what would my life be without Toby? I can't imagine it as anything but empty.
So, on this day of celebrating Christ's resurrection life I look forward with great joy to the season of celebrating Christ's birth--and the day when, Lord willing, I will receive into my arms God's newest blessing for our family, our fifth child.
Though it may be tempting to see the obstacles in our way, I urge you to lay aside your fears for our family and trust us as we trust God's provision. Please share in our joy as we welcome this baby, to join our family sometime around December 8th. I am only 7 1/2 weeks along, but I am terrible at keeping secrets. My life was meant to be an open book. I realize the pregnancy is still tentative, and in the event that the child is lost early, then you will share in that chapter of our lives as well.
The kids are thrilled. The girls have learned that babies are hard work, but bring lots of joy. Hannah has been praying for the baby, talking to the baby, and making birthday cards for the baby since the day she found out. Just seven more months to go, Hannah. Emma's reaction? "Now Toby can talk to the new baby instead of calling Taco Sauce on the telephone." Yes, Toby does need a brother...desperately...but as my sister pointed out today, if he gets another sister he'll have plenty of opportunity to mold her into a suitable playmate.
Please pray for my (mild/moderate) morning sickness to ease soon and for the health of the baby. My next few posts will let you in on some of the more humorous pregnancy moments so far. Thank you for sharing our journey and sharing our joy.